One step at a time

Danessa was gone this past weekend so that she could be with her mom on mother's day so I stayed home with the dog so that they could feel free to go where ever for however long without having to worry about the dog doing anything he shouldn't. Usually when Danessa is gone I stay up all hours playing video games, watching movies, and consuming the things that are most unhealthy for me; my diet consists of microwaveable Skyline Chili, chips, Citrus Drop, and some other random things.

I realized that doing that type of thing is all well and good but it really comes back to haunt me during the rest of the week, so I am trying to cut back. This past weekend was the first step back. I still played video games a lot (Guitar Hero 3 and Halo Wars), watched 2 movies (Max Payne and Scarecrow Gone Wild), and didn't eat the best (Chinese buffet, chicken tenders, chips, pop)...but I went to bed no later than 1am both nights. A small victory, but a step in the right direction. My next goal is eat a better by drinking water and having some veggies that haven't been deep fried or baked.

Theme

I know it's been a long time since I've posted and a lot has gone on, but something came to mind tonight and after I talked to Danessa about it, she said I should blog about it...so here I am

At work, I have to videotape some sessions so I can show them at a supervision meeting to show some techniques I've used or to ask questions when dealing with a client. One of the things we have to let the group know is the theme for the family that we are working with. Some of the themes are chaos, kids rule, and lost souls but the theme for Danessa and me is "breaking the mold".

I came to this conclusion because our relationship, and other each other, do not make sense on paper or in any logical sense. Let me start with our relationship.

We have nothing in common and often see things from different points of view. We communicate in completely different ways, making it hard for each other to talk or listen because the other is not making any sense. We have had to fight to stay together and are just now starting to reap some of the fruit we have been sowing for the past 2.5 yrs. In college, we didn't eat together, except for special occasions, because she had her friends and I had mine (which also had nothing in common) and because we were more independent than most. We dated all through college but had little time together because her schedule was during the day and mine was at night. So, we only got to see each other about once a week. Despite that, we knew that we were meant to be with each other...always and forever. We got married and then really got to know each other. After that we went to seminary, even though we weren't sure what we were getting ourselves into. We left seminary after graduation and moved to a place that had nothing for us except that it was where God was directing us. Our entire relationship has all been based on trusting in each other and having faith that God was directing our paths together.

As for us as individuals...
Danessa looks like a sweet, innocent teenage but drops the hammer when she is keeping kids in line or someone disrespects her. She is good at photography and art and enjoys being in the country, gardening, and music. She also likes the younger kids, ranging from birth-4. She likes her alone time. She likes to be spontaneous. She likes to be the rebel.

I look like a jock but am better suited as a nerd/geek than anything. I am good at cooking and evaluation sitations and enjoy the city, playing videogames, and building models. I also like the older kids, starting in their teens. I like hanging out with people...all the time. I like to have a plan. I follow the rules...all of them.

Well, we break the mold. Nothing about our marriage should work but it does and amazingly! I am sure that when we start a family, we will continue to break those molds as well.

L'Oreal had it right in their slogan...

This morning I was thinking about all of the awesomeness that God has blessed me with recently: my amazing(ly beautiful) wife, our great families, my affectionate dog, our first home, my sweet job, and our wonderful church…to name a few. At first I was thinking that I deserved only a small fraction of the blessings and then it dawned on me that I deserved none of it…at all. There are been many things that have caused me to stumble and fall in my walk but that is part of the beauty of Christ…I don’t deserve it but I am worth it.

Repeat that phrase with me…

I don’t deserve it but I’m worth it

Despite everything that I have done and will do, I am still loved by Christ, bought by his blood, and covered in grace. Relient K has a great song, Be My Escape, that captures what I'm thinking...

I’ve given up on doing this alone now

Guess I failed and I’m ready to be shown how

You told me the way and now I’m trying to get there

And this life sentence that I’m serving

I admit that I’m every bit deserving

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Did you catch that last line?

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

If life were fair, we would all be royally screwed...but God loves us and showed us that we are worth the pain and heartache...we are worth it. Even though we do make those mistakes, grace allows us to have a another chance and another and another and another, etc...

In a nutshell

Well, I've been at the job for about 2 weeks now and things are starting to pick up...to say the least. I think that my case load will be better once I have started all my cases and do not have to keep rearranging my schedule. I long for that day! This week was crazy because of 2 manditory meetings. One was on Weds from 9a-1:30p about de-escalation. The other is Fri from 9a-5p doing my CPR and First-Aid training. I am kinda looking forward to the CPR and First-Aid because I get to sit back and be told what to do...which is a nice change of pace. Don't get me wrong though, I love my clients and look forward to seeing them regularly.

I'm keeping this short so that I can spend time with my loving and neglected wife. She's the best for putting up with this rough time...especially since she has been at home all day. Glad that she is starting work soon! Yey!

It's better to give than to receive...

I have grown up with that phrase my whole life and I have recently found out that it is total crap. If everyone gives but no one is willing to receive, then no one can give. It takes a lot of self-respect and humility to receive a gift, regardless of how large or small it may be and it is often more difficult to receive than to give, especially when the giving is outside of birthdays and holidays.

I used to think that the mature people did not accept gifts and then realized that they were actually the immature ones. I love to give because of the feeling of doing something right and providing for someone, not to mention seeing the joy of getting the gift. When you realize the joy of giving it is important to learn about the joy of receiving. By refusing gifts, you are depriving people of the joy of giving. Imagine the joy of giving and the heartache of having it rejected...now transfer that to the other person.

"It's better to give and receive...freely"

"X" marks the spot

I had the greatest treasure hunt today...and my greatest, I mean worst. Since the weather was super awesome today, I went around the back yard and picked up poo. I know that a lot of people do this and it could be worse, like for our neighbors who have 3 dogs, but it still sucks to spend time actively looking for poo in your yard and going towards it when you find it. I am not looking forward to that when it is 100 outside...yikes.

I'm a real boy!

I have a week of my career work under my belt and it's pretty exciting. Most of the week was spent in orientation meetings, some supervision sessions, and doing some shadowing. My first client starts up on Monday, which is anxiety provoking. I think that it's going to be fun but I also know that it's going to be a challenge and starting up things is always the hardest.

I have 3 other cases that I am working on and I'm doing some shadowing for one of them on Tuesday with a possible session at the end of the week.

I have to say that it is very liberating knowing the staff that I am working with and how it is not anything like the previous job I had in seminary...which will go unnamed. Everyone is focused on work but they also care about how we are doing as well. During the supervision session (where taped sessions are shown and reviewed) the supervisor asked the therapist what was making it hard for her to do something. It's not just about the client getting better, but the therapist learning about the garbage that we bring into the sessions as well. Awesome stuff.